STORIES, STORIES

Are you ready for my fake rich girl problems? Far as I can tell, even though I'm almost 4 weeks into my new, grown-up life, I'm still adjusting. I have decades of paranormal life in Jeddah I need to shake off, so it's naturally gonna take me a little more time than your average psychopath.  The good news is that I am in wonderment of EVERY GODDAMN THING. For instance, my coworkers' outfits.  Chuk's writer style   On the weekend, I was shown the ways of the public transport. YOUGUYZZZ OMG. It's the most ridiculous thing explaining to people why a grown-ass woman doesn't know how to use public transport. "How do you get around in Saudi?" they ask. "I... have a driver," I say. BOOM. Fake rich girl. "Like, I have a personal chauffeur, coz like, my dad's an oil prince. You know, stuff." It's like a personal car, except not really. After I took the shuttle bus to the train station, I purchased a ...

Things just took place faster than I'd expected. For some weird, holographic-universe reason, I'm suddenly moved to Malaysia from where I will now be reporting. Cool? Cool.  Here are things I did in the weekend. But first, a little background. I live about 15 minutes away from Kuala Lumpur (which is properly vague, because everywhere is 15 minutes away from KL! I think so, anyway, for now). Damansara Perdana is one of many small towns in Petaling Jaya, Selangor. I call them towns because they have that distinct everyone-knows-everyone feel about them, which makes it mostly cosy and safe. I've been told to be weary of pickpockets and muggers when I walk the streets, but compared to Manila where I could never, ever take out my phone or wear any kind of jewelry, Perdana is a piece of cake. I don't wave my bag around like a doofus asking to be mugged, but I can chill and not be super paranoid when I'm out and about.  There are many Damansaras, like the one...

"So what is it that you do all day?" I've been asked since I moved into my own place. Me, who thrives in the midst of crowds that know only to adore me, so suddenly solitary. It frustrates me how everyone is frustrated that I chose to do this and then whine about it. YOU GUYS. I JUST LIKE COMPLAINING. Seriously, it's a thing. There are support groups for extreme complaining as a sport. The novelty of living by yourself is not only fantastic, it's something that, once you get past the I'm-so-cold-and-lonely-hold-me part, you will want for the rest of your life. It's when you live alone that the age-old saying "YOLO, motherfuckers" comes to life with new, very relevant meaning. So what do I do? I do errands. Errands and chores are the most unfortunate by-product of modern life. I'm unemployed, but I'm constantly working. Laundry, frantic floor scrubbing, cleaning, doing the dishes, organizing and re-organizing, getting called ...

Makati is THE Jeddawi spot for real. Srsly, look at this place. It's not the real Manila, let's be honest here. I've met the real one before, it's not as affluent, not as pretty, not as pedestrian-friendly, not as easy to talk to, THE PEOPLE NOT AS MOTHERFRAKKIN HOT. I've been here 2 weeks, somewhat adjusted, somewhat still living out of my suitcases. The Real World (which is really any place outside of Jeddah) is twisting my arm into culture shock. Here: SHOPPING Things here are about 10% to 40% cheaper than Jeddah. I still haven't gotten out of the habit of converting everything into riyals. I'm annoyed that so many of the brands I buy aren't available here, but the trade-off is that so many of the brands I want ARE HERE. Don't get me started on books. I will need a second job to support my book shopping because THEY ARE ALL JUST LYING AROUND NAKED WAITING FOR ME TO THROW MONEY AT THEM. Whores. CONVERSAZIONE The city streets are mea...

Holy shit, you guys, I did it! I'm no longer reporting live from Jeddah, motherfuckers. I've been here 10 days and I'm in love. It's that lovey-dovey stage at the start of a relationship, when the city and I are just getting to know each other, finding cute quirks about each other, being polite, laughing at all of each other's jokes, and buying each other nice, thoughtful gifts. Things will surely change, but let's live one day at a time to avoid madness. Hello, good-looking. Of course the first few weeks will be all about me comparing Manila to Jeddah, and busting my preconceived notions about living in the big bad city (of Makati, for now). So here are a few of them. Segregation! I'm causing it! I've lived in the Philippines before, so there are some  things that are not new to me. This segregation is, though! I've taken the train a couple times now, and they have started implementing Females Only sections. Ivy tells me it's because...

I haven't been doing very well on my workout and fitness goals the past few weeks. I went through my Fitness Motivation Files to help me get back on my regular 1-hour 6x a week workout schedule and a normal diet (as opposed to freestyle bingeing), and I found there was almost nothing there that could get me back going. Except one thing. Confident or Confused? One of the arguments I made as to why I have abruptly put my fitness goals on hold is that I've suddenly "become confident about myself". But am I really? I've never had any real problems with my physical appearance, even though "in theory"(major air-quotes), I should: I have unmanageable frizzy hair that is made even worse by the imperfect shape of my head, causing my weak curls to sit awkwardly on top of it, my face is on the unattractive side of ethnically ambiguous and/or Asian, I have alternately dry and oily uneven skin that causes my T-zone to Shine Bright Like a Diamonddd and, at the...

One of my favorite XKCD moments. [ My pal Emad does this all the time. "Hey man, which way to the airpart?" ] A Brief History of Blagging 2000 At 16, I had a secret Xanga account, mostly about how much I hated my parents/family/school, and enjoyed a little audience of angsty teenagers like myself who expressed themselves through glittery letters on their banners.  2001 In university, I moved to LiveJournal where all the "serious writers" lived. Here I posted entries I had zero balls to present in writing workshops and courses. I'd gotten over publicly ranting about my angst, but just by a little bit. 2002 I discovered Blogger and caught the fresh-start bug. Fresh-start here means a brand new blogging template/platform. I started sharing posts with people I knew in real life. It was mentally draining. 2005 I moved back to Jeddah. Which meant another fresh-start. New blog, new template, new posts. My entries were regular, "spontaneou...

Square Meater is a burger joint dressed up in cute hipster clothes, like most of the restaurants in The Courtyard . What this means is that this is where you want to go if you're looking for a place to sit and chill for a little bit after you're done scarfing down your fast food, OR if you want fast food and you don't want to tell your friends that you broke down and went to McDonald's. (Bro tip: save McDonald's for your late-night binges and fatass moments alone watching Archer on a weekend.) Here are other reasons to pick Square Meater for your next restaurant outing, which, if you're living in Jeddah, is probably tomorrow. 1) There's an outside seating area for smokers. If you're not a smoker, at least you wouldn't have to put up with your smoker friends' whining. Just sit back, relax, take in the humidity and breathe in the nasty smell from the sewers of Jeddah (available almost everywhere in the city). Fair warning, though, they've...

I am a smart person. I am. I promise you. I am inquisitive, self-aware, self-motivational, proactive, articulate, contemplative and focused. Those are also all the reasons why I am so, so profoundly stupid. I inspire the best Jim Halpert break-the-4th-wall face in my brothers and my guy friends. The Jim Face is the male equivalent of eye-rolling.  I like to think they adore me because of it. I HAVE A CUTE DUMBASS QUIRK IN MY PERSONALITY, YOU GUYS! At the sports shop, I asked my fitness and shoes-obsessed brother Othman to help me pick out good running shoes.  Othman : "This pair is good. It's for your gym training, and it's light for your running days, has good support and cushion, and it's water-proof-ish for the rainy weather you're gonna be living in."  Me : "Yeah, no, I don't like it. I want something pink."  Othman : *Jim Face*  Me : "Yeah, that pink one, it's pretty. I'm sure it's good. It's Nike. I...

I've talked about 'balance' before - how I deal with my obsessive tendencies - how, if one part of my life is insanely organized, there's surely another part that's crumbling (presumably absorbing the blow). The past 6 months I've been doing so well with managing my projects and my hobbies. Here's why: There's books, office supplies, beauty products, fashion accessories, magazines, and (not in picture, bottom shelf) shoes on there.  I'm not a hoarder, which is why I'm not sentimental (or maybe the other way around), but since I organized this dark corner of my life, I've discovered that in fact, I am  kind of a hoarder. I counted 71 unread books from this shelf (out of 160+ total books). It took me about 2 or 3 years to get to the above photo, and just 4 hours to get to this one: I'm kind of a dick about sentimentality and have no qualms about chucking things out, so I established some rules so that in the event ...