Old Snake

Gaming was always the exclusive club I wanted to join. My brothers, my friends, they all are gamers. The inside jokes, the references I don't get, the game nights I was an outsider to, all that sad stuff.

So I was like That's it. I'm gonna do dis. I've had a PS3 and a Steam account for years (because it's not like my people haven't tried a hundred times to get me into it), and I proceeded to play the first game I saw - Metal Gear Solid 4.

My brothers came in to watch me. 

Ha ha, Old Snake. That's me.

Right off the bat, my brother tells me that my teenaged nephew had already finished this game. Twice. Very quickly both times. 

I'd have argued the whole relativity and age-inappropriate thing, but I was too busy screaming at the controller because I didn't know how to make Old Snake shoot at the enemies.

"You're not supposed to shoot anyone. Stay low and get to where you need to go."

"What?! Who told you this? Have you played this game? How do you even know that?!" I yell at him.

My brother rolls his eyes, "That guy just SAID IT, just NOW. LISTEN."

Sure enough, I hear it through a comm or something. God, technology.

Then a bunch of soldiers start shooting at me and I press all the buttons on the controller and Old Snake starts crawling on the floor and doing a jerky back-and-forth superman-banana action, I dunno. 

"Calm down," my brother said.

"I'M FUCKING CALM. I THOUGHT THESE GUYS WEREN'T MY ENEMIES."

"Okay, you know what, try this: stop fucking yelling, and THINK. Okay?"

This conversation went on in the same vein for the next 20 minutes. It turns out the time it took me to get from Point A to Point B (20 minutes) would have taken any normal person about a minute.

Now here's the thing, I'm not stupid, or an idiot (most times). It just happens that most of the popular games available to me just don't interest me. I've played some games on my own without being bullied into it, and I've finished them and actually enjoyed them. They just don't happen to be shooting games. I don't have the skills for those.

Maybe I accept I'm not a gamer. It's still never stopped me from trying to be one. I see it as a kind of compromise to get along well with my people, to at least get familiar with their interests so that we can keep communication lines open. In exchange, they sit quietly and patiently as I ramble on about the merits and demerits of Chris Hemworth (Thor) and Brad Pitt's (Achilles) physical appearances.

Yes, bend the knee.

I have a working background of the popular games as a result, and I have played most of them for at least an hour (at gunpoint, really), so it all works out in the end. 

If you are wanting to read something more in-depth about games, check out Tasneem's GCon Riyadh, and Tamim's blog. Otherwise, stay here with me and let's discuss more long blond hair-types with blue or green eyes.