Inarticulating.
It's almost 1 a.m. Needless to say, my attempts at trying to be "normal" have failed. My friend Sheri might be right, maybe I'm just doomed to go through life sleep-deprived, hitting all the right depression posts on the regular schedule of a little past midnight.
Let's explore this dark place, shall we?
Altruism. Pure selflessness, the desire to give and do good for others without wanting reward or benefit, or anything in return. Is there such a thing as true altruism? We give because it makes us feel good to give selflessly, it makes us happy when others are happy. Or maybe we give everything to make another person happy, even when it makes us unhappy, because of that feeling of obligation that we have, to make the people we care about happy. Therefore, we are really serving ourselves. That's the motivation.
I've learned to give. But I haven't learned NOT to expect something in return, some acknowledgment, however small. One of the worst feelings anyone could have in the middle of a sleep-deprived work night is the feeling of being unappreciated, especially when you do something that makes you unhappy, but you do it anyway for the sake of someone else.
For something to continue being good, it has to be nurtured. It has to be motivated, praised, rewarded, acknowledged, thanked. Otherwise, it truly (and surely) goes downhill. We might not notice the subtleties, but it does.
Have I mentioned the most difficult part of my job? It's not in the actual teaching, that's pretty easy to master. It's not the pulling-yourself-out-of-bed-for-a-job-you'd-rather-not-have, that is easily fixed by the motivational technique called money.
The most difficult part is the managing of students, with their unique and individual personalities, each and every single one of them. It's dealing with these people personally, without judgment, whether or not they have attitude. It's the digging-deep and finding what would eventually motivate them. This is the most difficult and draining part. You can have a student that DOESN'T want to be there, and kicking them out of the classroom is not an option. You have to find what it is that would make them WANT to be there. It's not even for yourself, the teacher, because at the end of the day, you did your job, if the student didn't learn because of something they're not doing, you would still get paid. You do this for the student. And that's what makes an excellent teacher.
And being excellent is motivation enough on its own. But it is exhausting. It's emotionally exhausting to go the extra mile for someone who, although they have paid for the lessons, don't appreciate the other things they DIDN'T pay for but was given for free anyway.
And it applies to everyone around you. People who are nice to you because you are nice to them. That's what they "paid for". They won't thank you for that extra nice you give them, because what, they didn't ask for it. You gave it voluntarily.
Perhaps the answer is simply this: don't go that extra mile.
Doublethinking, being inarticulate, self-pity, a profound loss of hope, indecisiveness, and alternately, rash decision-making, all make for a nice bout of late night depression. Sound familiar?
Fortunately, it takes very, very little to make me happy. If I don't get at the very least a thank-you for my best efforts, at least I will always have Doctor Who, the least normal person I "know". And that's good enough for me.
Click here to listen to a podcast featuring Matt Smith at The Nerdist.
Enjoy.
Let's explore this dark place, shall we?
Altruism. Pure selflessness, the desire to give and do good for others without wanting reward or benefit, or anything in return. Is there such a thing as true altruism? We give because it makes us feel good to give selflessly, it makes us happy when others are happy. Or maybe we give everything to make another person happy, even when it makes us unhappy, because of that feeling of obligation that we have, to make the people we care about happy. Therefore, we are really serving ourselves. That's the motivation.
I've learned to give. But I haven't learned NOT to expect something in return, some acknowledgment, however small. One of the worst feelings anyone could have in the middle of a sleep-deprived work night is the feeling of being unappreciated, especially when you do something that makes you unhappy, but you do it anyway for the sake of someone else.
For something to continue being good, it has to be nurtured. It has to be motivated, praised, rewarded, acknowledged, thanked. Otherwise, it truly (and surely) goes downhill. We might not notice the subtleties, but it does.
Have I mentioned the most difficult part of my job? It's not in the actual teaching, that's pretty easy to master. It's not the pulling-yourself-out-of-bed-for-a-job-you'd-rather-not-have, that is easily fixed by the motivational technique called money.
The most difficult part is the managing of students, with their unique and individual personalities, each and every single one of them. It's dealing with these people personally, without judgment, whether or not they have attitude. It's the digging-deep and finding what would eventually motivate them. This is the most difficult and draining part. You can have a student that DOESN'T want to be there, and kicking them out of the classroom is not an option. You have to find what it is that would make them WANT to be there. It's not even for yourself, the teacher, because at the end of the day, you did your job, if the student didn't learn because of something they're not doing, you would still get paid. You do this for the student. And that's what makes an excellent teacher.
And being excellent is motivation enough on its own. But it is exhausting. It's emotionally exhausting to go the extra mile for someone who, although they have paid for the lessons, don't appreciate the other things they DIDN'T pay for but was given for free anyway.
And it applies to everyone around you. People who are nice to you because you are nice to them. That's what they "paid for". They won't thank you for that extra nice you give them, because what, they didn't ask for it. You gave it voluntarily.
Perhaps the answer is simply this: don't go that extra mile.
Doublethinking, being inarticulate, self-pity, a profound loss of hope, indecisiveness, and alternately, rash decision-making, all make for a nice bout of late night depression. Sound familiar?
Fortunately, it takes very, very little to make me happy. If I don't get at the very least a thank-you for my best efforts, at least I will always have Doctor Who, the least normal person I "know". And that's good enough for me.
Click here to listen to a podcast featuring Matt Smith at The Nerdist.
Enjoy.
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