I Feel Good!

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I got plans, and they're gonna happen.

There are obstacles, and they beat me up, but I learn to love the things I hate.

I hate my job, but this hate makes me love the things I love to do all the more, like photography, like writing, or just hanging out with my friends after work and nerding out, or spending hours on the phone with The Boys.

I hate people who talk to me like I'm nothing but shit, like I don't deserve the tiniest bit of Nice. But I am nice to others because of these people. They remind me that I don't want to be like them, and that I am not any better than anyone, so that I am careful about the way I talk to others and the things I say to them. Verbal abuse breaks people, and in the same way that we don't condone physical abuse, we should always be careful about how our words reach those we talk to.

I hate Facebook. It serves as a constant reminder of what and how much I am missing. I see people my age living lives I thought I would be living myself at this age, and I envy them and I question my misfortune. But if anything, it pushes me to be proactive and creative, to skip the negativity and stop comparing myself to others. I am different. We are not like anybody, and we all have our fair share.

I hate how difficult it is to get anything done here. But it gives me an elevated sense of accomplishment when I do get something done, knowing I worked hard and I succeeded.

I hate how there's so little to do here for fun because of so many restrictions. But then again, that is why every little thing we do is an event, and that is why just going to a cafe to sit around and talk with friends is a celebration. We celebrate the smallest things in life, and we appreciate small gestures and gatherings.

I hate how emotional I get, how hurt I am when I am hurt, or how stupid I feel when I persevere and I continue to work on something that doesn't seem to be getting anywhere, or something that is more hard work than it is rewarding, if there are any rewards at all. But it is these moments that remind me to live in the right now, that the present is the only thing we can enjoy. The past has happened, and the future hasn't yet.

I hate always being extreme, extremely sad, extremely happy, extremely evil or extremely good. But it is this hate that makes me strive for moderation and balance.

I hate a lot, but that's why I feel good. And when you feel good despite all that hating, like Ala said, do not question a good feeling.

Enjoy it.

What do you hate and what have you gotten from it?

Comments

  1. Ex-clamation MarkOctober 28, 2010 at 9:57 PM

    I couldn't agree more on the verbal abuse. I really am grateful that we can see how some rude people are & carefully monitor ourselves to make sure we aren't perceived that way.

    I have no idea why Facebook is still alive. Every single time I go on it, I get off extremely angry!

    I love how you changed around everything & actually saw the positive side & how you have gained something from it.

    What I hate is how I'm always perceived as the nerd in college, and I'm just being normal. By doing my work & working hard, I'm doing what is required. The level of work isn't that challenging and so what I've gotten from that is I have learned to challenge myself in other ways, learning on my own, and to always give it my all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Smart CoOKieOctober 29, 2010 at 8:18 AM

    I love this post. It kinda of validate some of my feelings.

    ReplyDelete
  3. nessreenOctober 29, 2010 at 9:59 AM

    Ex-clamation Mark & Smart CoOKie: Thanks! I suppose it's the best way to cope, to look at things a different way. Otherwise, what sad, sad lives we'd lead. You know what I mean?

    Also, being a nerd is hot. So ignore them. :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. ghaidaOctober 31, 2010 at 5:52 AM

    We're going to DO THIS LIKE BUDDHISTS!

    ReplyDelete

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