101.

I am back, poubelles.

Had a nice vacay, thanks.

Today, we rant about the world of photographers. In Jeddah.

I'm a little busy, see?

It sounds simple enough. You have an event, you'd like some above-average photos of that event, you hire a photographer, you get your photos. Done.

The problem is that you don't really know what a photographer is supposed to be doing during your event, do you?

It's also very simple. The hired photographer is to do the following:

1. TAKE PICTURES.

2. TAKE PICTURES.

3. TAKE PICTURES.

Oh, did the photographer forget to mention that to you a week before your event when you two were negotiating the price for photography services?

In that case, I'm sorry, it's not your fault.

I mean, it's not as if it is explicitly mentioned in their job title that their sole purpose is to take pictures. What the hell does "photographer" mean, anyway. It could mean ANYTHING, for crying out loud.

A photographer could be anything from an event planner, flower arranger, usher, dj, lights coordinator, security guard, waiter or host, to apparently, a parent. 

I can't blame you for being confused. 

After all, if the photographer didn't shove a piece of paper in your face for you to sign beforehand, where their responsibilities are stated in simple language, then it can't be your fault that you thought it would be okay to ask the official event photographer to please check if the food had arrived.

So, okay, I'm going to be pro-active here. I mean, what's the point in whining, right? 

Here are just some fast facts for you, should you think of hiring a photographer for your next poorly-planned event.

* I don't think I can say this enough: PHOTOGRAPHER WILL TAKE PICTURE. That's it.

* Photographer may be kind enough to do you a favor and take pictures of you and your friends using your camera, but Photographer reserves the right to say "FUCK NO. YOU WANT PICTURES? I'LL TAKE PICTURES OF YOU USING MY CAMERA." Come on, man. You hired the photographer. A camera CAME WITH THAT PHOTOGRAPHER. (Warning: here be snobbery) Look!! It's a fucking DSLR!! It has some special lens, too! And some special flash thingie!! Oh, and look, there's another lens!! Omg, they look professional!! Omg, they must take nice pictures!! GODDAMNIT.

* You're a woman. Living in Saudi Arabia. Where there are certain written and un-written rules about taking photos of people. Especially women. Wearing skimpy clothes. In parties. If you hire an official photographer to take pictures that you alone will look at and none of your boob-hungry brothers will have access to, IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TELL YOUR GUESTS.

It's EXTREMELY annoying to have female guests REPEATEDLY state one of the following accusations:

1 - ::hands covering face and cleavage:: "Please go away, I don't want any of my pictures posted on your Facebook album." (HAH. AS FUCKING IF. A - I don't know you. B - You're boobs aren't big enough for me to post on my Facebook albums.)

2 - ::face squishing up in anger:: "Will you please stop taking pictures of me?" (Erm. The camera is turned off.)

3 - ::a group of disgruntled women huddled in a group:: "There's a woman with a camera taking pictures of us without our permission. Who can we report her to?"

So please. People. If you hire a photographer, TELL YOUR GUESTS.

I respect that some women don't want their pictures taken. And if I am told this, I won't. But tell me which ones are which.

I don't want a whole gang of scantily clad women beating me up in the bathroom while I take a break. Not that I can't take them on. Bitches, please.

* Photographer tries their best to stay out of the actual party and take pictures of memorable events taking place. That's what you paid Photographer for. If you want Photographer to routinely check that everything is in place and working order, like the music, or the program, or the refreshments, THEN FUCKING PAY MORE. That's extra service. I'd plan the party, no problem. But hey. PAY UP!!

* AND TELL YOUR GUESTS THAT, TOO!

Oi vei. 

What are we doing wrong here, people?