Disappointment.

I'm too lazy to google an image for this blog entry's title. You will have to make do without the eye candy.

***

Apparently, a little disappointment goes a long way. At least I think that's all I needed to get out of this rut. Well, no I'm not completely out of it, I'm still reveling in the muddy waters of the emotionally crippled. But you know how you think you're going in one direction with somebody and then realize halfway through that your aiming for different destinations, and you kinda pause and then let go of the person's hand and just watch them walk on, while they're still talking to you, thinking you're still there?

Yes, that drama.

It shook me out of it a little bit.

Because now here's the tricky part. Do you run up and try to catch up with that person and go on anyway? Or do you make a u-turn and head back where you started?

I am truly a shrink's dream patient. All this vagueness. I can hear the shrink's voice in my head: "Was there an event in your past life that you think might have caused you to think this way?"

***

So anyway, responsibility, right? I've deleted several blogs before this one because of the responsibility that came with writing something that too many people I know read. Oh, that old pursuit of freedom of expression. I realize now however that just by being online like this, I will always have that responsibility. There will always be someone who knows me from a distance who reads my blog and sees me the next day and wonders why I feel the need to maintain an alter alter-ego online.

Or wonders how I seem to be riding this "trend" of being depressed and blogging about it. The ego-maniac at her lowest, who likes the attention, who likes flaunting the tragedy of her life.

Like, boo-fucking-hoo.

See what I'm doing there? I'm anticipating the smirks. It's a virtual middle finger.