STORIES, STORIES

"When you develop an infatuation for someone, you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason. Taking photographs of the night sky, for example. Now, in the long run, that's just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But in the haze of infatuation, it's just what you've been searching for all these years." - Richard. The Beach [2000] *** Get out before it's too late. Close the door behind you.

It's never easy when parents die. For obvious reasons. They are the people closest to you; they know everything about you, and their love is unconditional. It's a big loss. There goes your comfort zone. Your safety net. Your Plan B. In our culture, being an "ulila", an "orphan", is something that all children are warned about. "Take care of your parents, because if you don't, you will lose them, and when you lose them, everyone will walk all over you." Parents protect you. It's even harder when your parents are dying. To witness their pain. To be helpless. To want to protect them in return and yet be unable to. My condolences to anyone and everyone who has lost a parent. Especially to those who are far from their parents, who have no means of closing that gap and paying their last respects to the people who raised them. My condolences to my brother Z, who was raised by my grandmother, who is devastated by this feeling of helplessness. My co...

I am unwell, friends. It takes about 5 years to reach a state such as mine. What scares me most is the feeling of alienation, from myself. Sometimes, I say things I can't believe I am capable of saying. Other times, I do things that are completely unreasonable, and it takes me a couple of moments before I can regain control, step back, and think about what I have done and why. There are many things I have learned this year. 1. There is no point in making people understand something they don't WANT to understand. 2. There are limits. Everywhere. 3. Life, like my job, as Lola said to me last week, must be taken one day at a time. 4. Everything is an original high. 5. Sometimes, it's "looking at the big picture" that drains us. Here are more smaller pictures, more for my enjoyment than for my readers. Photography, after all, is not for others, but for oneself. At least mine. *** Jeddah 5 September 2007 Corniche, Jeddah Jeddah II 5 September 2007 Corniche, Jeddah Jedd...

The things our friends do for our art. Sometime back, I fancied artsy pictures. I love ads, I love concepts, and I love directing. Here, some of my attempts. *** Grass 8 August, 2007 Chai & Ba, Jeddah (Model: Sharifa) Action 8 August 2007 Chai & Ba, Jeddah (Model: Fuzzy) Band 8 August 2007 Chai & Ba, Jeddah (Model: Fuzzy) Love 8 August 2007 Chai & Ba, Jeddah (Feet: Sharifa and Helmy) The famous grass at Chai & Ba. Pain 9 August 2007 Capo Grillo, Jeddah (Model: Fuzzy) If you see a shot, take it.

I can't sleep now. I'm so past the point of sleeping that the point has become invisible. *** The thing about Depression is that there are many things about it. It's one of those things that one is so tempted to make exclusive. I am so tempted to say that you won't understand it until you've actually hit it yourself. I'm tempted to say it's worse than your everyday emo, your friendly neighborhood drama, your PMS mode on turbo. I could say it's not like one of those days, when everything is just not going right, and everybody seems to have turned their backs on you, and the only thing you want to do is kill yourself because nothing is worse than this, not the poverty in this world, not the hungry children's suffering, not the abused person's situation, no, this is much, much worse. I'm tempted to say that, but I probably shouldn't. Because Depression is not an exclusive club that is "better" than the other mental conditions. It...

Carnival Jeddah, Saudi Arabia photo by aphroditeshari Who is the "ghair-est" of them all? If there's one thing about Jeddah, it's that it is always on the brink of something great. Something huge and life-changing is always JUST about to happen. This feeling of anticipation, and dare I say it, HOPE, is what makes the Jeddah culture and its people inch slowly towards that sky they long to touch: Change. This movement is so slow that people barely notice it. It is only when you stand still and look hard at the sky that you see the world move. Jeddah is, by all means, an exclusive community. Its people bristle at the slightest negative remark made by anyone considered an outsider, whether or not the remark has some truth in it. They defend its culture with one eyebrow raised, rhetorical questions, and a touch of condescenscion: "How long have you been living here? 6 months? Ah." Because clearly, you wouldn't understand. You don't know the change ...

I remember a guy I met so many years ago, maybe 6 or 7 years back. His name was Macky. I met him in Makati when I got a job offer at a call center (I was looking for a job to support my clubbing, as my parents wouldn't. Haha). Macky was the only other person out of the 28 candidates for the position who also got a job offer. We stayed at the HR office signing contracts, doing the first part of the training session until well after sunset. The most natural thing to do after that was to grab a bite to eat, maybe chit-chat. But he was broke. I was broke. I didn't have any money. I only had cigarettes. I couldn't invite him back to the apartment I shared with my brothers, even though I saw he was so hungry his hands shook. I myself was so hungry my hands shook. But I couldn't, because we didn't have food at home. We were gonna go to my uncle's house for dinner, because that's what we do on the days we finish our allowance dry - go to our uncle's for our mea...

I seem to have a habit of cutting the top of people's heads off. Sometimes, it works for me. Other times, no. *** Cheese and Ice 3 August 2007 Faisal's home, Jeddah (Models: My cousin Faisal's kids) Cheese and Ice II 3 August 2007 Faisal's home, Jeddah (Models: My cousin Faisal's kids) McDo and Cheese 3 August 2007 Faisal's home, Jeddah (Models: My cousin Faisal's kids) These are kids that only talk to me when I have my camera out. They just love to pose. They have funny names, but their parents (and my dad, who is their stand-in grandfather) are insisting on their being called by proper names (all of which I can't remember). Oh, wait, no, I remember McDo's proper name (the boy). He would like to be called Richard from now on, thank you. (He actually said that.) The last picture would look so much better straightened, no? *** Swimming 19 July 2007 H's old home, Jeddah (model: Helmy) Pictures of pool water are so refreshing.

One of the things I struggle so much with when it comes to photography in particular (and all art in general) is originality and/or creativity. It's tough when there isn't much you can do that hasn't been done already. *** I love John and Yoko photos, and I love ABSOLUT ads. I fancied a remake that feels like both. Peace. Love. Black and White. 19 July 2007 H's old room, Jeddah (models: Nadia and Kamal) Rock 19 July 2007 H's old room, Jeddah (models: Kamal and Nadia) *** Luxury 2 August 2007 Jeddah My friends Suzann, Nadia and I tried out the (then) new chauffeur service APEX. You rent them for 80 riyals an hour, they send you a driver, a Dodge, and a chauffeur in a smart uniform who also offers you cold drinks, opens your doors, and generally follows you around. We got in the car and drove around Jeddah for about an hour at around noon. Coz we rock the city like that. Hahaha. *** Cheerleader 30 July 2007 My classroom, Jeddah At the end of the summer course, my kidd...

If you're thinking bout my baby, it don't matter if you're black or white. Spaceship 6 July 2007 My parents' house, Jeddah That's me playing with angles and B&W. *** Miss Behaved 12 July 2007 Roshan Mall, Jeddah (Model: Sharifa and Fayiz) That's me playing with B&W settings. I remember this day. We met up with Mokhtar at Second Cup, and he gave me tips on black and white photography. I also got a nice lecture about not having a proper bag for my camera. *** I Shop. I Read. I Coffee. 12 July 2007 Roshan Mall, Jeddah (Model: Nadia) The nice thing about having friends is that you also have free models.