Fear of Excellence
How many of your goals have you not achieved? How many of them involves excellence - becoming excellent at something? All of mine does. And none of them I've achieved. Yet. (Maybe.)
If I want to be an effective writer, I'd have to practice - and do a lot of - writing. If I want to be fit, I'd have to work on my form.
So why am I not either of these?
Fear of Hard Work
This is the simplest answer. Laziness. We enable our laziness every day by saying that we just "don't want to complicate things", or by taking shortcuts. The whole "Life is too short!" mantra.
Hard work takes lots of time, lots of effort. Both of which you could spend on other, easier things, like watching TV shows and eating cheese curls.
Fear of Not Achieving Excellence
Every time I speak to someone who is deciding on what to study in university, I hit this wall. Maybe I've just become an old bat, but I always end up giving this piece of (unsolicited) advice: Just pick a major in whatever field YOU want, not what you think will land you a job post-uni the fastest. You're going to spend money on education, it might as well be in something that you would enjoy, that you can strive to be excellent in with minimal pain.
This is of course easier said than done. "I'm into music. What kind of job can I get with a music degree? In this society? Anywhere?" Valid argument, I suppose, but imagine, too, that you study music and do your best and become excellent at it. Jobs will come to you without your having to look for them (much).
"But I'm not smart enough."
"But I can't afford to waste money on majoring in music."
No... You're not willing to work hard enough. What kind of person into music wouldn't study music and do well in it?
It could be that
a) you're not THAT into music, at which point you should start finding out what you're really into,
b) you don't think you'll get the best kind of education in your field of interest, at which point you should check other resources, or
c) you're just really afraid that you can try your level best and STILL NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH at music.
And that last one is pretty scary. Knowing for sure, confirmed, that you really CAN'T DO IT. This is not the same as its identical twin I-Can't-Do-It-Even-Though-I've-Never-Tried-To-Do-It, but they are both equally damaging.
Fear of Change
I interrupted Amr while he was studying to have this profound conversation with him. In it, I confessed that I'm one of those people who fear excellence, not because I think I can't achieve it (because God knows I'moverconfident - and arrogant - enough to know that I can achieve my goals excellently), but because I don't think I would know what to do with the "repercussions" and excesses of excellence.
No, don't WTF me. Hear me out.
Let's say I become this awesome writer. I get so good at writing that people are just FIGHTING over me. Here are my fears:
a) Once I've become excellent, there's no going back. People will expect me to be excellent ALWAYS, instead of expecting me to be "practicing" to be excellent. This means I'll have to change my process.
b) Since I'm already excellent at writing now, the game has changed. I'll have different goals. Who's to say I do well in these new goals? (Which brings us back to Fear of Not Achieving Excellence above.)
c) What if I got so good at writing that I accrue more money than I ever imagined? I'm not good with money, and I'm destructive by nature. What kind of evil would I be capable of doing at such a large scale (at least financially speaking)?!
Yes, this is arrogance, of course, because why even dwell on these speculations? Who knows what would happen when I DO become a good writer? How do I know I won't be just as good, or even better, with the new stuff I'd have to deal with by then?
Most importantly, why can't I just cross that bridge when I get there?
I say to myself that this is me being "prepared" and anticipating things, covering all angles. But I'm really just crippling myself more than anything.
We'll really never know what the results are until we actually do the work and get to that point.
Fear of Criticism
This is connected to all of the above. We take criticism as a form of rejection, or heartlessness and pure cruelty from the person criticizing us.
How do you react to criticism?
I either
a) bite my lip and passive aggress it. Especially when it comes from someone I don't consider to be better than me at whatever subject they are criticizing me on. (For example, if I don't think you're a better writer than me, you certainly don't have a right to criticize my writing.)
Amr pointed out my mistake to me, because although I like to think I'm smart, a lot of common-sensical things just fly past me.
Why not, he said, take criticisms equally from both "good" people and "bad" people? Assess each, without necessarily agreeing to all of them, and then just go ahead and see if there really is something you can take from each towards bettering yourself?
Don't be so arrogant as to think that you've reached the highest level of learning and that there's nothing more to learn. The world just got bigger, what with all this internet lying aroundnaked, so it's virtually impossible to know everything about any one topic. #CommonSenseYo
b) respond to each criticism with a reason. "You need to stop using the first-person in all of your writing because you're probably boring your readers," for instance, to which I reason, "Well, if I'm boring them, it's because they're not my target readers."
I'm great with these things. I always have a reason. I run my mouth for fun. I've had a lot of practice. I've spent years of my life giving pseudo-intellectual excuses that I package in verbosity, an implied challenge to my critics.
They're called Excuses.
Excuses
Only the best defense mechanism ever. Because you know, these critics know jack shit about me, they don't know what I'm going through, they don't know what it's like for me. Easy for them to criticize me. I'd like to see THEM try to excel at something in my position.
Here, I'll show you how good I am. Throw any criticism at me. I can give you an excuse before you're even done speaking. I'll even add an accusation in there, about how easily you judge me, and what an insensitive dick you are. Fun and games.
This, again, is where my common sense fails me. If I look at the things I've accomplished, successfully, I see that it is when I just shut up and not give excuses that I do achieve my goals.
Self-Awareness
I've come to the conclusion that self-awareness is the (not-so-easy) answer to overcoming the above fears, if not the first step to doing so.
It's those people who
a) know what they want (to do or be) and know their goals
b) know what their strengths and weaknesses are
c) know what resources are available to them and how they can manipulate or maximize these to their purposes
excel at things.
They excel at things because they work hard, they don't (have to) overthink their fears, they not only wait for change - they welcome it, they analyze criticism and correct themselves accordingly, and they don't (need to) make excuses.
They also probably do a lot of yoga and/or weed. But we don't judge. Especially if they are excellent.
What are you so afraid of?
If I want to be an effective writer, I'd have to practice - and do a lot of - writing. If I want to be fit, I'd have to work on my form.
So why am I not either of these?
Fear of Hard Work
This is the simplest answer. Laziness. We enable our laziness every day by saying that we just "don't want to complicate things", or by taking shortcuts. The whole "Life is too short!" mantra.
Hard work takes lots of time, lots of effort. Both of which you could spend on other, easier things, like watching TV shows and eating cheese curls.
Fear of Not Achieving Excellence
Every time I speak to someone who is deciding on what to study in university, I hit this wall. Maybe I've just become an old bat, but I always end up giving this piece of (unsolicited) advice: Just pick a major in whatever field YOU want, not what you think will land you a job post-uni the fastest. You're going to spend money on education, it might as well be in something that you would enjoy, that you can strive to be excellent in with minimal pain.
This is of course easier said than done. "I'm into music. What kind of job can I get with a music degree? In this society? Anywhere?" Valid argument, I suppose, but imagine, too, that you study music and do your best and become excellent at it. Jobs will come to you without your having to look for them (much).
"But I'm not smart enough."
"But I can't afford to waste money on majoring in music."
No... You're not willing to work hard enough. What kind of person into music wouldn't study music and do well in it?
It could be that
a) you're not THAT into music, at which point you should start finding out what you're really into,
b) you don't think you'll get the best kind of education in your field of interest, at which point you should check other resources, or
c) you're just really afraid that you can try your level best and STILL NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH at music.
And that last one is pretty scary. Knowing for sure, confirmed, that you really CAN'T DO IT. This is not the same as its identical twin I-Can't-Do-It-Even-Though-I've-Never-Tried-To-Do-It, but they are both equally damaging.
Fear of Change
I interrupted Amr while he was studying to have this profound conversation with him. In it, I confessed that I'm one of those people who fear excellence, not because I think I can't achieve it (because God knows I'm
No, don't WTF me. Hear me out.
Let's say I become this awesome writer. I get so good at writing that people are just FIGHTING over me. Here are my fears:
a) Once I've become excellent, there's no going back. People will expect me to be excellent ALWAYS, instead of expecting me to be "practicing" to be excellent. This means I'll have to change my process.
b) Since I'm already excellent at writing now, the game has changed. I'll have different goals. Who's to say I do well in these new goals? (Which brings us back to Fear of Not Achieving Excellence above.)
c) What if I got so good at writing that I accrue more money than I ever imagined? I'm not good with money, and I'm destructive by nature. What kind of evil would I be capable of doing at such a large scale (at least financially speaking)?!
Yes, this is arrogance, of course, because why even dwell on these speculations? Who knows what would happen when I DO become a good writer? How do I know I won't be just as good, or even better, with the new stuff I'd have to deal with by then?
Most importantly, why can't I just cross that bridge when I get there?
I say to myself that this is me being "prepared" and anticipating things, covering all angles. But I'm really just crippling myself more than anything.
We'll really never know what the results are until we actually do the work and get to that point.
Fear of Criticism
This is connected to all of the above. We take criticism as a form of rejection, or heartlessness and pure cruelty from the person criticizing us.
How do you react to criticism?
I either
a) bite my lip and passive aggress it. Especially when it comes from someone I don't consider to be better than me at whatever subject they are criticizing me on. (For example, if I don't think you're a better writer than me, you certainly don't have a right to criticize my writing.)
Amr pointed out my mistake to me, because although I like to think I'm smart, a lot of common-sensical things just fly past me.
Why not, he said, take criticisms equally from both "good" people and "bad" people? Assess each, without necessarily agreeing to all of them, and then just go ahead and see if there really is something you can take from each towards bettering yourself?
Don't be so arrogant as to think that you've reached the highest level of learning and that there's nothing more to learn. The world just got bigger, what with all this internet lying around
b) respond to each criticism with a reason. "You need to stop using the first-person in all of your writing because you're probably boring your readers," for instance, to which I reason, "Well, if I'm boring them, it's because they're not my target readers."
I'm great with these things. I always have a reason. I run my mouth for fun. I've had a lot of practice. I've spent years of my life giving pseudo-intellectual excuses that I package in verbosity, an implied challenge to my critics.
They're called Excuses.
Excuses
Only the best defense mechanism ever. Because you know, these critics know jack shit about me, they don't know what I'm going through, they don't know what it's like for me. Easy for them to criticize me. I'd like to see THEM try to excel at something in my position.
Here, I'll show you how good I am. Throw any criticism at me. I can give you an excuse before you're even done speaking. I'll even add an accusation in there, about how easily you judge me, and what an insensitive dick you are. Fun and games.
This, again, is where my common sense fails me. If I look at the things I've accomplished, successfully, I see that it is when I just shut up and not give excuses that I do achieve my goals.
Self-Awareness
I've come to the conclusion that self-awareness is the (not-so-easy) answer to overcoming the above fears, if not the first step to doing so.
It's those people who
a) know what they want (to do or be) and know their goals
b) know what their strengths and weaknesses are
c) know what resources are available to them and how they can manipulate or maximize these to their purposes
excel at things.
They excel at things because they work hard, they don't (have to) overthink their fears, they not only wait for change - they welcome it, they analyze criticism and correct themselves accordingly, and they don't (need to) make excuses.
They also probably do a lot of yoga and/or weed. But we don't judge. Especially if they are excellent.
What are you so afraid of?
Of the people I love. I'm afraid of the people I love.
ReplyDeleteSo far, in my brief existence, I have grown to understand that life is a journey where things rarely improve at a steady and constant rate. To better one's self takes time, energy and dedication. Also, sometimes it feels like every leap forward leads to three leaps backwards.
ReplyDeleteTime is finite. One's energy and money are also limited. Therefore not only is it impossible to excel at everything, but one must constantly weigh ones options and hope they are making the correct choices. To wit, imagine life as an RPG game. You have your time points (HP), energy points (MP) and money. These resources come in limited supply, and must be managed in order to effectively achieve your short-term and long-term goals. Also, consider that for each choice you make, you are not only missing out on alternative opportunities, but also creating new ones. These new opportunities must either be chosen, or sacrificed. Also, like an RPG game, you can either win by meeting your objective, or fail.
There's a lot of themes at play in the previous paragraph. Firstly we are discussing opportunity cost, which is often over-looked when discussing choices and options. Secondly, we are discussing the limiting factors that play a big part in the choices we make (time, money, energy). These are more than just mere excuses, but are real active parts of a problem that we are constantly trying to solve in order to gain one step closer to achieving excellence. Finally, We have to consider the possibility that failure can be a reality. However, unlike video-games that have save and restore points, real life losses can difficult to recover from, and can sometimes be disastrous. However, losses can also yield additional opportunities for victory.
The fear of excellence is something we all have, but I believe this fear is not unwarranted nor unreasonable. The path to excellence is a lifelong series of uncertainty, doubt, trials and errors. Attempting to achieve excellence can leave one jaded, and discouraged, if they hit a streak of losses. So, the apprehension is understandable; nobody likes the feeling of having wasted their precious time, energy and money on failure. However, it can also cause one to feel like a god among men, once they finally hit that epic win.
So, what do I fear? I fear that I'll run out of time before I hit that epic win. So, I best get cracking'!
Taking the RPG approach, would it also be safe to assume that the higher the character Lvl.s the more capacity Money, HP and MP it can hold? Hence, if the character engages often enough with its surrounding, it will grow faster in Lvl.s, to a point where Money, HP and MP no longer become as relevant as ability to endure repetition.
ReplyDeleteSay we only have energy to engage in one battle for a day. If we only did that one battle and lost at it a lot, wouldn't it have become easier after 329 times of repeats? Constantly striving for more efficiency, the brain quickly transforms as many tasks and behaviors as possible into habits so that we can do them without thinking, thus freeing up more brainpower to tackle new challenges. (Source.)
Even the most challenging levels in a game have a pattern that sooner or later can be broken with practice, because without those patterns it would not have existed in the first place. Games are repetitive cliches, aren't they?
So if we can see the pattern of our fears and engage with it often enough, wouldn't it sooner or later become more familiar? And when something is familiar (even failure), won't we at least grow stoic in welcoming its duly daily visits?
Lose, revive, retry, again and again and again and again, oh I won, go to the next level, repeat.
Maybe because losing a lot, a lot is the only way I learn.
That's assuming life offers a constant and steady increase in resources, where the amount of time spent living is directly proportional to the amount of resources one amasses (in terms of money, free time, energy). This may be true for some, who for instance, have inherited a large amount of wealth, or have a trust fund in their name. Money is a huge limiting factor, because a lot of the decisions people have to make depend on how much money they have to spend on their needs and wants. The more of it a person has, the less time they will need to work to require it, freeing up more time/energy as well as money for the pursuit of excellence.
ReplyDeleteHabit hacking is interesting. I like the idea of being able to improve efficiency, to free up more time to improve. However, from my experience this also depends on both time and money. One thing I have learned in my professional career is that being punctual is far more important than being excellent. So, instead of striving for excellence in your work, it is far more practical (and desirable) to focus on striving for "good enough, and on time". This, "release it now, fix it later" mentality can be stifling. Also, brining money back into the equation, say one does grow more efficient at their work; should the next step be to pursue excellence in their career (punctual mediocrity) in order to secure that next paycheck, or to pursue excellence in something else?
Another thing to keep in mind is that rarely is life is ever constant. So, one may be stuck in a rut for a while, unable to achieve excellence in their field of interest, only to suddenly come across a nice chunk of free time and energy to rapidly improve themselves. This is what makes it so great to work at companies that actually invest in their employees; for instance, companies that dedicate their time and resources to send their employees to workshops, training camps etc. Or, companies that give their employees a certain amount of company "free time" to work on their own projects.