Bringing It To Water

Anyone who, like me, learned how to swim as an adult would probably agree with me on the profundity of the whole experience. Or fine, anyone who, like me, is dramatic.

I only learned how to swim about 3 or 4 years ago. My teachers - Helmy, Sharifa and Summer - had to engage me in long, dragged-out, profound discussions before I could be convinced to venture into that dark abyss also known as The Deep End of The Pool. It wasn't even that deep, if I'm honest.

But my fear was.

I could think of a few people to blame for this fear of water that I had forever nursed, foremost being my incompetent high school Physics teacher, who couldn't take 5 minutes to explain such important things as HOW THE HELL IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A HUMAN BEING TO TREAD WATER? (I'm not being fair to her, though, because after all, thanks to her classes, I was well-armed in college to understand the speed and velocity of projectile vomit after a night of heavy drinking, as well as how to win money at strip-billiards, but I digress.)

There are deeper things at play, all contributing to my dislike for swimming:

• the discomfort of being in an environment where I'm not in control of anything except my limbs and my breathing 
• the limitations of an unfit body
• having other people see me weak and struggling
• Murphy's Law swimming right next to me
• not being able to look over my shoulder
• and so on.

My frustrated friends would chorus and repeat: "Just fucking do it. Stop thinking about it. Jump in."

I couldn't just DO IT. I had to think of these things, had to research it and learn it from a book, had to plan the process, had to blog about it a thousand times first, had to talk myself into leaving my comfort zone - in this case, the lounge chairs by the pool. 

Eventually, it really only took one incident for everything to click: My friends got in the pool with me, and then stealthily left me in the deep end to die.

I didn't die.

I panicked, tried to calm my breathing, panicked again, and then furiously swam for the ledge. 

This is an accomplishment all on its own and will not be ignored. I saved my own life. Sure, it's a #FirstWorldProblem, and sure it was probably Fight-or-Flight, but I saved my own life.

This introduction is important for what I really wanted to say on this blog post, which is that now that I'm into leisure swimming (hah! Leisure swimming, how about that?), I want a waterproof case for my iPod.

Or something sexier, I dunno, this was the first image I got off Google.

Imagine the hours of uninterrupted fun that will be had by me, swimming and listening to the Backstreet Boys' last album This Is Us.

And that is my birthday gift pitch. 

Thank you and good day.