M'sian Chronicles, Dispatch 1

I moved to Malaysia in 2013 to work in publishing. Almost two years of living here means it's time I list down the things I've learned, after the initial fog of novelty has cleared and I've fully immersed into this new lifestyle. Quickly and dirtily, some background info: I come from Jeddah, Saudi Arabia and all my experiences are tied back to that stringent culture, but I'm also Filipino – Southeast Asia is not completely strange to me. I'm apparently shaped by my Islamic upbringing even though I strictly speaking don't adhere to its ideals.

This is Item #1 of that list.

THERE WILL BE SEXIST PIGS

I've just come home from a driving class – I'm trying to get a driver's licence, not necessarily because I want to drive, but because I can. I am not un-allowed to. After years of living in a place where I am denied the right to transport myself from Point A to Point B without the assistance of a penis-owner, you'd think I'd be more ecstatic about finally getting to do so.

But outside the bubble of my previous existence in Jeddah, in this "real," outside world, my right to drive as a female takes a back seat, when other, more pressing 'feminist' concerns are in the forefront. It's a different kind of challenge from the ones I came across back home, which are no less important, just not that urgent at the moment.

A World Apart?
Malaysia seems to be ahead of other Muslim countries in terms of female rights, at least on the surface (that I am exposed to). Many positions of power and authority here are held by Malaysian women, for instance, and education, career and family are all held in the same level of high regard for both men and women.

There will, however, still be sexist pigs, especially once you've zoomed in on the scenery.

Professionally and socially, sexism presents itself to me in many forms.

For one thing, up until now, the managerial woes of women with male subordinates have only been confined to books and articles I've read, movies I've seen, and stand-up bits I've heard. Sexism is the major issue, and most times, the source happens to be a nice guy and/or a friend at work, who is, in all likelihood, unaware that he is being sexist, or is convinced that his words or actions are not sexist.

A few years ago, the Health Ministry released a guideline on how to be a good female boss, which included tips such as communicating regularly with subordinates especially if they are men, and to avoid being "egoistic" when giving them instructions. The implication that male bosses don't need to do any of those to be a good boss is just... laughable. In this supposedly enlightened day, age and place.

In my own experience, the usual suspects are present. There is an overlap with sexual harassment in most cases; hated male co-workers deserve to be shut out or excluded from everything, but hated female co-workers "need to get laid" or any number of sexual-deprivation comments. In the case of banter or jokes between colleagues, men are expected to have short tempers, so when they get pissed off, "maybe we went too far with the jokes." When women get pissed off, however, she's "a cock-tease who can't take it, and also needs to get laid."

"She wants the D."

Must Make Public Statements
For a career woman in these parts, one who is ambitious, driven, aggressive and successful, there is a constant need to make public statements that may include – but are not limited to – the following:

NOT lesbian (and then another statement about how we're not against it, we just are not)
NOT desperate for sex (at least not any more than the average!)
NOT desirous of marriage or children at the moment (still not lesbian)
NOT promiscuous or easy
NOT interested in you
NOT funny, whatever joke you're making

and

DEFINITELY way worth more than you think we are.

I was once told that because of my personality – my cultural background, my disregard for fashion, my sense of humor, my (lack of) marital status, my speech, my level of knowledge, my aggressive nature at work, my age (almost 32), and my slightly overweight appearance, my close male colleagues and friends here think of me as slightly slutty and easy, slightly lesbian, must have a tendency towards infidelity and cheating, and desperate for some sexual action and/or marriage.

I laughed at this so much. But it smarts and stings a little bit. These comments came from guys who consider themselves my friends. Imagine what the guys that despise me think of me.

A Pretty Old Song
Back home, with family and friends I grew up with, there was always an undercurrent of sexism. I'm certainly no stranger to this. Even "undercurrent" is an understatement. Sexism actually pervades all aspects of our (mostly Arab) lives.

I think the difference is that sexism is established in that society. We built ourselves around it. It's not an invisible enemy, in fact the opposite. It was so much easier to fight it.

It was infinitely funnier when we made jokes about it.

Here, now, where supposedly it doesn't exist, it is merely hidden in an invisibility cloak, and it's pretty tough to fight an enemy you can't see.