#211 ~ Nostalgia & Candy

-
Doing this whole positive-thinking attitude thing has drained me almost completely in the past few months. Constantly looking at the brighter side of things, cheering people up (including myself) when everything's just being a complete tool, staying out of the way of drama, and maintaining some fake anterior (for whom, who knows), all of this, is a recipe for a clown's downfall. 

Clowns are almost always suicidal. I'm beginning to understand why.

Needless to say, I've come to a point where screeching halts are major understatements. It's been a while since I last slammed the door shut on this whole blogging affair; those breakdowns I get when I feel I'm sharing too much while at the same time not enough people are listening to or reading me, when I think that the only way I can yell "OH HEY, FUCKING LOOK AT ME AND ASK ME SOME QUESTIONS, WHY DON'T YOU?" is by passive-aggressively shutting down the blog. 

What is this compulsive need for validation in the middle of the work-week?

Seriously. 

I was thinking earlier about how, sometimes, I remember things that have happened that remind me of feelings of betrayal and rejection, and I remember the people and places I care about deeply but have lost touch with, and it makes me literally throw up. I gag from it. 

And then I remind myself that I don't live in a TV show where people hit their lowest point and some montage plays and an uplifting soundtrack carries them to their next triumph. Were it that life worked that way. 

Therefore, the show must, as the Can-Can people say, go on.

--
Candiez from Southeast Asia, courtesy of Souma. I miss that place.




--
And Majed's fashion statement.


Comments

  1. SuzannJuly 31, 2011 at 8:25 AM

    I always read ur blogs!!!!! And i love them dearly! Ur blog makes my day and even if for a second i remember how good life was when i back home ..... I love u and ur face and ur voice!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. nessreenAugust 1, 2011 at 1:08 AM

    <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. AliaAugust 3, 2011 at 12:21 PM

    Why are the things and people we obsess about until it hurt are the ones we can never have (again)? Why can't the things that we are and have today be enough to validate and bear witness to our coolness?

    I speak in broken thoughts, mistress, but I speak it with unbroken attitude. #blows some fairy dust your way#

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

OTHER POSTS BY NESSREEN:

-

-
After getting approached three times (in person) about my apparently 'increasingly worrying' blog posts and tweets, I did a "No Complaints Week" on Twitter where, yes, I refrained from complaining or being all mopey and blue. The experiment went well. I didn't complain, at least not outright complaints. " Thank god for stupidface idiots. They make me look smarter. " " I'm glad you're not here. It proves how right I was / (still) am. " " Thank god I had a severe migraine attack last night instead of lower back pain. " " See that girl on the left? That's me, grinning. Winning. " It went well because it made me realize that I need a vacation from all of this. Possibly a permanent one. All of this blogging and oversharing and tweeting, and expecting feedback and then not appreciating feedback for what it's worth, and then overthinking everything, and then worrying about who reads me especially when people I know ...
Read more

The Cure.

-
Image
Sometimes, like today, I start to question the things I believe in, the people I trust and care about the most, and the things I fight for. It's tough when the over-analyzing kicks in; it's all downhill from there. Good thing I've found a temporary cure. Ass pastries from the House of Donuts near our house. (Taken today!) Enjoying an ass pastry while contemplating life and the times.
Read more

iSold Out.

-
Image
While I'm not an Apple person, I've always liked the minimalist look. I also like white. So yes, every time I pass by an iZone shop, I always go in and have myself a nice look at all that beautiful [overpriced] 'simplicity'. I've been tempted many, many times to get sucked in to that whole Mac business, but I seriously doubt it's for me. After all, I am neither hip nor much of a computer/graphics person. I'm happy with my little (almost) 4-year-old classic iPod prompting me to check out that sub-culture every now and then. For now. Unless someone really convinces me. Or takes me on a shopping spree. Whatever comes first. So today, I made my first iTunes purchase. I sat for about a couple hours shopping for music, looking for stuff that I'd really spend money on. I ended up buying a bunch of Alejandro Sanz music and some jazz, totally worth it, but it wasn't as fun an experience as I thought it would be. I don't think I'll do it again for anot...
Read more

Freedom of Trash-Talk.

-
So there's this guy on my Facebook friend list who's really annoying. Classic fuckface behaviour. He makes uneducated hypotheses, calls everyone stupid (except himself, it's hilarious if it weren't so annoying), and makes all these really fucking stupid generalizations and arguments. Very offensive guy. All of this on Facebook status updates. I know, I can just easily delete him, and move on and stop complaining about how offensive (and stupid) he is. It would save me from seeing all his comments and just shut him up. He can exist somewhere else beyond my hearing (or my feed). But then what about Freedom of Speech? Does he not have the right to voice his own opinions, just as I fiercely defend mine? Would I not be stepping on his rights or freedom by deleting him, shutting him up? Could I not give him his little FB space to stage his little rants and beliefs? I do not have to accept his views, but I must respect his right to have them and say them out loud. So what if t...
Read more